(⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING: This blog post discusses bullying and violence. Please stop reading if those are triggering for you)
I must've been 9 years old when it started. One day they were my friends, the next they weren't. They prank-called me pretending to be scary ghosts. They said they cast a black magic spell on me and that one day all my hair will fall out. They insisted I said mean things about one girl on the phone "just for fun" and when the words came out of my mouth the said girl would reveal she was on the call and had heard everything.... I was labeled a bad friend, a bitch, untrustworthy, They stole my watch. They stole my clothes. They pushed me down on the playground. They ruined my new Christina Aguilera CD. Countless other instances of bullying I don't recall adding to that list.
When I went on to secondary school we went our separate ways but we still lived in the same neighborhood. I was terrified to run into them. At 14 they found me on the Internet and threatened to come to my school and kill me. The police had to intervene.
I have never forgotten about them. I've had many nightmares in which they find me and beat me up. If ever I was alone at night I would be equally scared to have a bad encounter with a man and run into one of them.
This is what created my sisterhood wound.
My intention here is not to portray a sob story to get anyone's attention or pity. Unfortunately, stories of bullying, especially among young girls are not uncommon. I'm fairly certain we've all experienced this on a certain level. Stories of betrayal, manipulation, physical and emotional violence, blackmail, and more taint our experience of female friendships. For many, true connection, support and love didn't come until much later; for those of us that feel comfortable enough to even seek those friendships.
I am lucky in that I have found friends, along the way, that support me and love me for who I really am.
Yet, I feel there is a longing for more, and I can only describe the feeling as ancestral. I long for community. A community of women like we had back when people lives in tribes and small villages. Where there was respect and admiration for the elderly, where we would share our wisdom by sitting in a circle and talking, where women of all ages would gather together to heal, share, birth, celebrate and rejoice.
The type of connection I'm talking about has long been forgotten. Women have been conditioned by patriarchy for thousands of years to believe that we are in competition with each other. Today it's: which one of us makes herself more appealing and "gets the guy", which one is more popular, has more financial success, climbs the corporate ladder quicker, is a better mother, etc. This sort of competition denies us our innate need for connection. The feminine is not meant to be alone, she is meant to be in communion with others and the Earth. To support and love.
The type of connection I'm talking about has long been forgotten, but we are remembering.
I attended a women's retreat a few weeks ago. I didn't know any of the beautiful ladies that were there that day, but I just knew I had to go. We meditated, we experienced a magical oracle card reading, we laughed, we cried, we played, we shared a meal. We unconditionally supported each other. Because we saw the light in each other and nothing else. True Sisterhood.
I cried on my way home. For the beauty that I just experienced.
I cried later that evening in my shower because my Soul spoke to me. It told me that it had brought me there because I needed to experience something It knew many lifetimes ago. Women, mystics, intuitives, magical beings, powerful souls coming together. My Soul had been longing for that type of connection in this lifetime and that retreat made me aware of the beauty that lies in sisterhood. I felt like at that moment, in the shower, my Soul was healing my sisterhood wound.
These events further confirmed that building a community of mothers is an important part of my mission. To that extent, I'm brainstorming what a Mothers Circle would look like (more on that very soon). If you would like to receive information about this, reach out to me via the contact me form here on the website.
⚠️ If you or someone you know experiences bullying: you don't have to go through that. Reach out to someone you trust or visit one of the following (and many others in your area):
Helplines for kids:
Stop Bullying Now Hotline (USA) 1-800-273-8255
Childline (UK) 0800 1111
Kids Helpline (AUS) 1-800 55 1800
When a child or teen is bullied, he or she can experience profound physical, social, psychological, and emotional distress. Those who have been bullied are more than six times more likely than their peers to be diagnosed with a serious illness, smoke regularly, or develop mental health issues. Palmer Lake Recovery published the following guides reflecting on the correlation between bullying and how it can lead to substance abuse for kids: